Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Dat's a date!!!

Well never realised that dating could be so difficult for men too....
So this is a tribute all those men out there looking looking and still not finding ....


It's Me, Every Girl, Ever

Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I fucking love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night


.....and this totally cracked me up :P

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Inside the room of my soul (as per Blogthings.com!)

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.

You are a grounded person, but you also leave room for imagination and dreams. You feet may be on the ground, but you're head is in the clouds.

You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.

Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you're concerned, that's a very good thing.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Career wise (Just a fun assessment, nothing serious!)

You guys can take it here

The Quick and Dirty Career Test

Mine says :

Your Career Personality: Independent, Flexible, and Ingenious

Your Ideal Careers:

  • Astronaut
  • Entrepreneur
  • Lawyer
  • Nightclub owner
  • Photographer
  • Private investigator
  • Real estate developer
  • Stand up comic
  • Venture capitalist
  • Video game developer
Hmmm...Ok lets see...

Astronaut - yeah , used to think it would be cool to become one when i was a kid ..the interest vanished as soon as i was old enough to realise the amount of effort required to get there!

Entrepreneur - this one i am sure , i can never become .Just don't have that sly(oops i meant smart...sorry all those entrepreneurs out there) streak! .Ok first mistake by this great test....lets not be too harsh here and take away the accuracy credits form the test just for this!

Lawyer - Now this test is talking my language. Have always been fascinated with the law...always wanted to become a lawyer , still do! Damn this Indian mentality of making your children either doctors or engineers (At least i belong to that era!) . But hey , who knows.....someday , maybe!

Nightclub owner - Now this sounds interesting . Though cant picture myself easily as one but nonetheless interesting. Let me try to imagine ...hmmm....Dimly lit , nice music (No loud music .. yea yea i know , nightclub & no loud music ...Damn it! its my nightclub) surrounded by beautiful people all having a good time.....seems good . Ok this sounds just too good to be true. Lets take a reality check here. Shall we? the stench of Beer ,broken bottles & glasses on the floor , half wit semi naked youngsters , pot bellied frustrated middle aged men , one scarce glimpse of a pretty girl here and there getting lost in all this chaos.....and NO single eligible men. Well.... I would have to pass this as a career option.

Photographer - Yea, like that. Had even taken the first step of buying a camera , but never really got around to doing more than that , till now. But i will start someday , i promise myself , i will. Whenever that is , i am sure it would be more of a hobby than a career. So yeah nice but no thankyou (as a career option) .Ok lets be a little more honest here , I also think i would suck big time in that if i were to ever do it professionally (no body judges you , when the pursuit is a hobby and not a profession)

Private investigator - This one sounds cool. But too much and too frequent appearance change required , I guess . Pass!

Real estate developer - Hmmm.... lot of money with the current booming trend in the industry , my graduation degree in a related field ...should appeal to me , right? But it doesn't , just doesn't!

Stand up comic - That my friends (and yeah almost all of them!) say i already am . Stand up , Sitting Backwards , Lying down , whatever!

Venture capitalist - OK i loved "financial management" (a credit course in my post graduation) and scored well too . However that's my only claim to any interest in this field . Maybe its just that the foreign author who wrote that book on the subject, which i read from cover to cover with much interest unlike any other text book i remember , was a great writer. I don't know. Lets just say , i don't think i would be motivated enough in that field in spite of the fact that i love numbers.

Video game developer - Yeah , this one seems like a great idea. I shall try it ...definitely! By the way , would somebody please tell me if you need any special skills like formal programming /coding training for this one ???

And the irony is - So many suggestions for a career ...and none of them even slightly hints / relates to what i do currently . And i always thought that i am not too "off the mark" in choosing this line of work (But i didnt CHOOSE my current field any which way ...it was more like default than by design ...so Maybe it was just a rationalistaion at the end of the day).

One more thing which i hate to bring to even my attention here is - Writing isnt one of these options . **sigh** ....But I am still not giving up !~ (I am sure this foolhardy optimism is going to kill me someday and that day isnt far either)

Mood Ring...dont ask me whats that!

Your Mood Ring is Light Purple


Monday, August 6, 2007

Google referrals : What fun!!

In my pursuit of passing time in office (while waiting for the cab) got curious to check where the hits (on my blog , of course!!) were coming from .....

So apart form enewss which has just declared my "girly possessions" the top outgoing link , even google is helping me build the readership ... but whats more interesting is how do these people get here...I am sure all bloggers gets hits like this , from everywhere , from all varied unrelated google queries...But me being relatuvely new in thsi blogspace , couldnt resist the tempation to share my amusement with silent [..uh, not so silent now , readers :]

So here are the first 15 referals (google queries )...rest later ...

  1. Sex Cures Migraine
  2. Post Sex Migraine
  3. What to do when u make someone angry
  4. How to make a woman obsess about you
  5. Happy at 30 being single
  6. Alpha Female
  7. You Are Pretty Happy Being Single
  8. Man wants me as an option
  9. How do u spell bachelor?
  10. "as real as it gets" blogspot
  11. O FUCK U BITCH I DONT NEED THIS THIS SHIT (this one takes the cake! ROFL)
  12. You don’t need one, you want one
  13. Happy being single
  14. Married ex wants me back
  15. Being single and happy

Its funny , yes but it gives me immense pleasure to notice that Happy & Single appears quite often in these queries.

I really need to hear that (Approaching 30 , rem??)

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

More about Soft Addictions

I seriously feel that i am guilty of indulging in one - "surfing net for hours together" .


Do you have a soft addiction?

By Judith Wright

After a tough day, do you come home and flop in your easy chair, grab a bag of chips and zone out in front of the television? Or maybe you compulsively check your e-mail, spend hours surfing the Net or stay up late chatting with strangers in chatrooms. Whether you get lost in cyberspace, over shop, watch too much TV, gossip, bite your nails, daydream excessively, procrastinate or over-exercise, you may be caught in what Judith Wright calls a “soft addiction”.

Soft Addictions are seemingly harmless habits that rob us of our time, zap our energy, numb us from our feelings, mute our consciousness and keep us from living the satisfying, meaningful lives we desire.

Soft Addictions can be activities, moods or ways of being, avoidances, and things-edible and consumable. Many soft addictions involve necessary behaviors like eating, reading, and sleeping. They become soft addictions when we overdo them and when they are used for more than their intended purpose.

Are you involved in a regular activity, avoidance, mood or thing that is a soft addiction?

Take this quiz and find out.

How many “yes” answers indicate that you have a soft addiction? Even a single “yes” answer might qualify!

Soft Addiction Quiz

1. Would you be unlikely to go on national television and say, “You, too, should do this,” about your behavior?

2. When asked why you do this thing, do your reasons sound like an excuse or a rationalization?

3. Do you do an activity or retreat to a mood compulsively or habitually?

4. Is there a particular routine that you follow, almost like a ritual, for this behavior?

5. Do you have difficulty imagining life without it (or even with less of it)?

6. Do you want to change this behavior, resolve to do so, but then find yourself unable to keep your resolution?

7. Do you feel scared or stubborn when someone suggests you stop or reduce this behavior?

8. Has the time you spend doing the activity or being in the mood increased without providing the same level of satisfaction it once did?

9. Have you been teased, mocked, or criticized because of how you’re wasting a great deal of your time on trivial pursuits?

10. Has someone close to you become annoyed or angry with you about the amount of time, money, and/or energy you devote to a given activity?

11. Have you cancelled or turned down positive opportunities in order to indulge an activity, substance, or mood?

12. Has your particular activity, mood, or avoidance caused you to get in trouble on the job?

13. Is this something that you would be embarrassed about if others were to learn of it? Does it feel like a secret you’re ashamed of?

If you are still unsure or would like to see how much of an issue your soft addictions are for you, there are three key questions you can always ask yourself: How much time do I spend? What is my motivation? How does it make me feel? If the activity or behavior creates MORE for you - more energy, more learning and growing, more time, more of a sense of aliveness - then it's probably not a soft addiction. But if the behavior or activity leaves you feeling drained, numbed, buzzed, distracted or feeling less, then chances are it is a soft addiction. Remember, everybody has soft addictions. If you can recognize them, then you're well on your way to overcoming them.


Monday, July 23, 2007

My Virtual Hug....as real as it gets!

This is how i feel about my blog.My unconditional confidante!!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Mini Celebrity on a Matrimonial site

One of many strange personal ads on a matrimonial sites ....(yeah , i have been there for 5 years now...I guess they should publish their unsuccessful stories too , at least i would get a chance to get published) . So i received a mail from this bachelor around last month , went and checked out his profile...laughed alone ...and thought that was the end of it (Never responded to the mail though! , read on ...you will know why). So when i got another mail from this guy asking for my number last week, i had totally erased him out of memory. Had to go back to his profile again to remind myself of who he was ...yeah , and as soon as i read the first 2 lines , i remembered.

Couldn't help posting his ad here ... even on the 2nd reading , it had the same effect on me. So whatever its worth , here's to a good laugh and some wide eyed amusement. Enjoy!

My comments in blue
[P.S. - My apologies to the bachelor :)....]



I am very outgoing and dynamic by nature. A true Indian techie and has earned name worldwide (So , ok till here u think its just another bachelor selling himself , but wait it gets better and funnier!). I work for a very big MNC (Mind it people , VERY BIG). Watching movies or going on a long drive or taking a walk along the sea line are few of my favorite passtime.(For somebody in a big MNC , you would think he would spell "favourite" right to say the least , also would use plural "passtimes" for a list of activities) I balance my lifestyle in a different manner at different places. Always value my parents and my relatives.

My Job: I work for a very big MNC (fortune 100 company) (VERY BIG , believe him people , VERY BIG ...)as a team lead. For my peers and people who are working in my field, I am a mini-celebrity to them (This cracked me up....i couldn't stop laughing for two minutes straight...no exaggeration here!). In other words, I am pretty much well known in my industry and I do have lot of fans like any other industrial celebrity (Fans?? oh my god!!...Industrial Celebrity ??.. I was about to faint). Besides this, I have been invited by several education institutions as a speaker or guest.. (Well..i am actually surprised that he ended it here, but then again, maybe he must have been getting late while writing this to go to some institution as a speaker!)

Looking for: I am looking for someone who is very beautiful in all sense i. e. by looks, by nature and by personality (Great sentence formation for a mini celebrity ref- beautiful in all "sense"). The one after seeing whome (cant even use spell check on the word editor , Mr. Celebrity in the IT field?) I will never feel like looking at any other girl.(Trust me man , you would still look) She should be a perfect blend of beauty + nature + intelligence. She should always keep the family values on high priority and devote herself completely towards it. It will be always ensured that she will stay like a queen of my heart and will be liked by all the family members..... There are still more to be written but for the time being I have to stop here :) ("There ARE still more to be written"...Man , I tell you sometimes i feel so frustrated with such language butchering )

My Family: Both my dad and mom are the most wonderful people in this planet. They treat everyone same and love to help people. They do a lot of social service and for people they are like GOD. (Oh , so not only him but his parents also ! And no less than nothing else but GOD!!)
I have only one sister. (And she is worth one line only! ...She must not be either a celebrity or GOD)


What do you say to that?

Friday, July 20, 2007

Dont need a man , but want one!

See...I was right!

You Don't Need a Man, but You Want One!

You like having a guy in your life, and overall, you prefer not to be single.
You won't go out with a guy out of desperation.. you rather be alone.
However, when you're single, you do tend to obsess a little over dating.
Because no matter how good your single life is, it's better with a great guy around.

Pretty Happy being single

And now...... its official!
I am Happy being single.....(Hey all the men out there , dont stop trying though! "Happier" is a better state to be in than "Happy" , right?)

You Are Pretty Happy Being Single

You have a full, fun life. And you definitely don't need love to be content.
Of course, being single can get you down a little. Especially when you've been single for a while.
But you know how to be patient and wait for the right person. You're life is too good to settle for anything!

Balanced Passion? Is that even possible?

I was curious because yesterday someone said -" You? You are not at all passionate!"

Your Passion is Purple!

You've got a ton of passion, but you don't always wear it on your sleeve.
If something truly excites you, you let your inner intensity shine through.
But otherwise, your passion tends to morph into energy ... which you never lack.
You're a balanced woman, knowing when to turn on the fire in your heart.

So ...then why am i single?

Well..this is in sync with how i feel but then why havent it worked out for me yet? Is the right match still to come my way ? ...Lets hope so!

You Are A Relationship Rescuer!

You don't ruin relationships, if anything you keep them together
The key: you respect yourself and your guy. Which goes further than you might think.
You simply treat your guy how you would like to be treated... the old golden rule.
And in return, he treats you like gold - or at least tries. And how perfect is that

Alpha Female

And i thought ...it would say "You are a total Alpha female!"
Thank God for these little mercies ...phew!

You Have Many Alpha Tendencies

You're not a total alpha female, but you certainly know how to - and like to - get your way.
You're forceful without being intimidating. You're confident without being vain. A perfect mix.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Pretty Accurate! Must try!

Well now thats pretty accurate , i must say!! I am 2 out of these 4 professions listed below.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Logical-Mathematical Intelligence

You are great at finding patterns and relationships between things. Always curious about how things work, you love to set up experiments.

You need for the world to make sense - and are good at making sense of it. You have a head for numbers and math ... and you can solve almost any logic puzzle.

You would make a great scientist, engineer, computer programmer, researcher, accountant, or mathematician.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Soft Addiction

I read an article about soft addiction in Times of India today...and i seriously think i too have one...of reading random blogs!!!