Wednesday, January 7, 2009

And peace prevails.....

Disclaimer - This is just in good humour NOTHING else please read it in the same ligh

A recent mail forward (I am not too big on the whole fwd thing..yeah but then who really is? Anyway given the humour quotient of this one, i thought it deserved to be shared with all of you who havent had the chance of reading it yet :P )

Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan : This was the scenario.... ......... ...

The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns.

Indian technology being so advanced, detects the Pak countdown in less than 8 seconds. Indian army decides to launch a missile in retribution. But they need permission from the Government of India. They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session. The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely.The President asks for a quick decision.

In the mean time, the Pak missile fails to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a re-launch are still on.

Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week. As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed. 

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government cannot take such a decision because elections are at hand. The Election Commission files Public Interest Litigation in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully takes off, but it falls 
367 miles away from the target, on its own government building in Islamabad at 11.00AM. Fortunately there are no casualties as no employee reaches the office that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.

The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China 
and USA. 

The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree. Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity" , "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision. Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organized.

In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".

On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles 
deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan.Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the 
Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original destination: Russia.

Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launch a nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the target and creates havoc.

Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.

Thus India never gets to launch the Missile....


I Walk Alone!!! said...

I have read this many times earlier... But it does make me smile every time. It’s such a beautiful depiction of the miseries of both the countries plagued with their own set of unique problems.

Paradox Philic said...

I Walk Alone - Yeah isnt it?

I Walk Alone!!! said...

Waise what are you doing so early in the morning... (or to be precise whole night) Don't you feel sleepy at work? ;)

Paradox Philic said...

I Walk Alone - I let insomnia have its way sometimes...esp when the next day is off :D

I Walk Alone!!! said...

Hey thats cool!! Holiday... But why anything special out there?

Damn!! Its only mid week and I am eagerly waiting for the weekend :(

mayz said...

i have read this many times but it still is bloody brilliant in every read!!!!
n soooooooooooooooooo true!!!!

Kaddu said...

Ha ha! Good one! I read it the first time here!

Quirky Indian said...

This is the first time I have read's hilarious. Exactly what would happen in real life..... :-)


Quirky Indian

Paradox Philic said...

Mayz - Yes i agree

Kaddu & Quirky Indian - Its still hilarious even if you were reading it for the nth time :)

Pratz said...